Didn't Cinderella wear jeans?

Who says Cinderella had to always be dressed in the gown of every womans dream. Perhaps Cinderella also wore jeans... Carmine (my old jeans) and I have been back together for three months now. He swooped down and threw me on the back of his trusty steed... ok, we really rode in his truck but the horse sounded more romantic. Like I said in the previous post, "Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it, and it darts away." I quit cluthing and left my hand open to whatever God decided was the right course for my life and if the sand blew away... that's what happens. By opening my fingers and my heart the sand has remained and seems stronger, more secure than ever. What is my life like today? I feel like Cinderella. But of course, the Callahan version wearing a pair of comfy jeans. When I go to work I get to play dress up, but I look forward to coming home every evening because I know what is waiting for me. We are both different now, we both realized what we almost lost or should I say threw away. While my children are the joy and pride of my life, Carmine is my love. I am blessed that I finally realized that maybe not all jeans are the same... or perhaps it was the way I was wearing them... or perhaps I expected them to be miracle workers - when the truth was that I also needed to change so they would be a better fit. What does matter is that I am wearing them, I feel blessed and I look forward to a long happy future.

Love is like quicksilver in the hand...

"Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it, and it darts away." I have written in my blog about my relationships, the adventure to find myself and about my road to self fulfillment and happiness. I even threw out all the old jeans and went on a shopping expedition to replace them with new ones. Nothing felt right, nothing fit comfortably. That's when I decided that perhaps it wasn't entirely the jean's fault... perhaps I had changed also and was part of the problem. I read self help books, how to create a beautiful inner you and started looking more in the mirror and seeing the person I truly wanted to be. On my quest to self improvement I also went to a women's professional leadership training class. The guest speaker spoke about living life and how we should be simplicite. No clutter, no mess, just organization. Of course, this then became my new goal. I started cleaning out closets (I only have 3 plus a walk in) and pulling out clothes I had not worn in a year and donating to charity. That's when I came across my old jeans, frayed-holes in them-faded jeans. Just like all women, I had to try them on to see how they fit... after all it had been a while since I had seen them or given them a chance. Long story short - they felt like they had been tailor made for me... a perfit fit. Was it the jeans? Was it me? Or perhaps could it have been a combination? Personally, I believe it was all three.

We all have to start somewhere...

The following is what I wrote for a magazine article... while I am single and definitely not perfect, I simply wrote what I feel from my perceptive. Some may say, but if you have this insight why didn't your relationship work. Well, the answer is... I only used my emotional thinking and not my rational thinking - otherwise I would have realized it wasn't the right relationship for me in the beginning. He didn't want the same things I did. However, that was one more chapter of experience for me. The tricky part is using it wisely and not allowing this to happen again. So... happy reading and let me know what you think... please.

For lots of women, just finding a great guy can be tough enough. First she has to find him and meet him. Then she has to attract him and be attracted to him. Then she has to get to know him and make sure he isn't some player or whatever. Then she has to figure out how to keep the chemistry alive and stay connected and intimate. It's an incredible process that we can find overwhelming. Some people say... the more you do it, the more insights and "Aha" moments you'll have - which means that you're improving your life. Women have a dynamic, balanced blend of senses. Hopefully we take all the information available from both our "rational minds" to our "emotional minds". This is the best approach and the one used by women who I think are the most successful at building lasting and enjoyable relationships. This approach transcends the ability to see, feel, and hear what's going on. It's a balanced approach of love, acceptance, logic, observation, experience, perspective, and emotion perception. We will always have trouble understanding what's going on in a man's mind. Hello! It's about as surprising as a traffic jam in rush hour that the answers men usually give in situations aren't what the woman would want to hear. Congratulations by the way... the best part right now is that it's YOU who's setting out on your new path. And I'm excited to be the one here with you. People can only change when they want to; you can't make them change because you want them to. You may even say "But I miss you! Don't you miss me, too?" I know this all too well firsthand, if the truth is told I have my own pity parties on occassion. But the truth is, you need to learn to value and starting feeling a clear, grounded self confidence within yourself. Remember, the more you learn about yourself and how you communicate with men, the more you'll be able to help them create WITH you the kind of relationship you are looking for in your love life. So, let's travel this path together. I can't tell you how to change a man because he's not the one here looking to improve and make changes in his life - you are - just as I am too. While I am not an expert - I am just like you, tired of feeling stupid and hurt. So why bother? Why does it have to be so much "work"? Because we all want to love and be loved, it's our inate nature. It's not going to be easy at first - as with anything new you start doing. But, we all have to start somewhere!

What can I say?

My daughter, Brittany, asked me why I haven't written on my blog lately. I said, well, I don't have anything to say, I just don't really have a life right now. Wrong! Ok, so maybe I don't have a man in my life at this time... but why would I think I don't have a life. (By the way - I went on the date with the doctor - not happening!) I had to readjust my thinking, sit back and take inventory of ME. So, do I have a life, what can I say about me? I went to Biloxi last weekend with some friends. It was the best time I have had in a long long time. It was all expenses paid in a 4 star hotel. We even played the slots - I was a "high stakes player", after all I did play $5.00 LOL. But guess what, I won $100 off that $5.00. Today I am going to a birthday party for my best friend, it's an all day cookout, horseshoe playing, ride 4 wheelers, hottub, swimming... anything goes party. So thank you my Britt Britt, for making me realize I do have a life and I do have something I can say. Now for something exciting, a small magazine that comes out once a month is asking for people to send in entries for freelance writers. I sat down last night and took some of my thoughts, feelings and experiences and wrote then down. Read my next blogs and tell me what you think. I don't have the actions down to perfection, but I am definitely working hard to practice what I write. Yes, I do on occassion have pity parties for myself, but I am working hard to realize that I don't need a man to make me happy or complete. It is up to me to find true happiness and contentment. A man is just the icing on the cake. Right now I am on a diet, so no icing for me! However, when I do decide, it will be gourmet icing... non of this buy 1 get 1 free or what's on sale stuff for me. I want the real brand, the kind that leaves you completely satisfied. So, sorry friends to being neglectful. I am back!

Just a 2 letter word...

This past month or so has been the most intense learning experience for me. It’s wonderful feeling good just by noticing men being interested in you. It’s funny how that “flirty” part of me had shut down and the negative energy pushed men away. My recent focus has been on my own life and how to express myself in a way that a man can not only hear – but that will reach out to him. Real men do not like the spotlight in a relationship. “Little Boy” men do. “Little Boys” like their feelings considered first and always. They want to know what YOU can do for THEM, and have no interest in doing for you any more than they have to to keep you around. A real man doesn't want to be coddled. A real man wants to be a Prince or a King to your Princess. He doesn't want to be the frog you have to kiss to life - he wants to put the crown on YOUR head! So next time you're tempted to get "sucked in" by all a man's stories around why he "can't commit" or "be in a relationship” or “moving to Central America”, don't believe him.He may or may not be lying on purpose, but he's for sure lying to himself. So the point is to remember that all it takes is to realize that you have choices and options, and that men everywhere want you. Even if you've never believed it before, believe and act like you are very expensive, highly prized, and possessed of inner strength and outer softness. A good, real man will recognize that right off and fight for you. It's true! So, about the title, can we say DR as in doctor? Yep, that’s right. I have had a lot of friends trying to set me up with people. But I needed to take time out for myself and see the real me. I needed to be happy with and within myself. And guess what.... ta da... I lost 16 lbs and feel great. Even my best friend told me today that it was noticeable. So, yes, I have a date with a doctor. It’s not the title or degree he has, its the intelligence that enabled him to go that far. I look forward to long interesting conversations. So, how about them jeans? Think the sisterhood might have done me good. I will let you know if he turns out to be a frog or the prince.

Am I a "classy" woman?

I keep hearing over and over from guys in different situations that men are looking to date and have relationships with "classy" women. I keep wondering to myself, what does it mean to be classy? So, I began searching the internet for the answer to my question. After reading many websites define a "classy" woman - I found one flaw... a woman can have all the qualities that make her classy according to these websites but it doesn't mean she has "class". I firmly believe that it is not in the "what" you are but the "how" you are. I believe it's how you act, how you carry yourself, how you express yourself and how you live your life that makes you "classy". So, this is my definition and how I hope to define myself.
1. Knowledge, Wit, Sense of Humor: can't have class if the person behind it has no interesting thoughts, opinions, views or observations. You have to have the ability to share and challenge ideas.
2. Style: gotta have a sense of fashion. While it's fun having an ecletic style, gotta save that for the weekend.
3. Femininity: ALL classy women are in touch with their feminine nature. My mission in life is not to challenge men and compete with them, I enjoy pleasing men and being proud to be a woman.
4. Elegance: elegance is hard to describe. It's the way a woman carries her self in just about every situation. It's her voice, movement, body language, ways she stands, sits and responds to those around her. While some parts of this are part of our nature, the rest are acquired through habit, friends and observation.
5. Success: if you are classy and successful - you don't need to run around and tell everyone how smart or successful you are! Actions speak louder than words.
6. Pride: learn to get "angry" the right way. Learn when to simply walk away from a bad situation.
So, after researching, I have decided it clearly requires work in these areas of one's personality toward being a "classy" woman. Personally, I don't think I am doing too bad. Ok, so I didn't score 100, but I didn't fail either. Let me know what your thoughts are on this subject.

Pond or Puddle?

My lovely daughter once told me... mom, you're getting older. When it comes to dating it's not like you have a pond to fish from... now you only have a puddle. Thanks baby, love you too! It is every woman's dream to meet a "good guy". One that will sweep her off her feet and transform into her knight in shining armor. I have been talking with lots of friends recently and it is really interesting to listen to their ideas of what a "good guy" truly is. Let's look at some of their thoughts... 1. A good guy will never cheat on you no matter what. Personally, I think all men have the potential to cross that infidelity line. 2. Good guys never get angry or upset. Ok, so you are telling me good guys aren't human? 3. All the good guys are taken. Nope, couldn't be farther from the truth. Sometimes, you have to redefine what a good guy really is and you will start seeing guys coming out of the woodwork. A good guy is a nice man that can relate to you on many levels. Someone you are compatible with. 4. Good guys always fall in love. No, if he is in a "relationship" only mode, he will only indulge you. 5. A good guy will never leave you. Wrong, again. 6. Good guys are romantic and affectionate. Not always. While he may be generous and give you the shirt off his back, he may not know how to unleash the passionate love in his heart. So, after listening to my friends, I wondered should I still hold out hope that I will find my own "good guy", who will be the kind of man I have always dreamed of? Of course I should! So who cares if my pond has gotten smaller with age and now I am only left with a puddle... I plan to have the time of my life "puddle" jumping. Like I have heard... when it rains it pours. Have fun!

Step on the brakes...

Have you ever pretended to the man that was your fiance, lover, boyfriend... that you're okay with now just being his friend? I keep lying, pretending, making it look like it really doesn't bother me and that I truly hope he finds happiness. Well folks, I can't do this anymore. I actually feel like I am bursting from the inside with the desire to tell him exactly how I feel and why, however I must express this in a very mature adult way. Ok, well not too mature and adult, gotta have some fun! We have all been in one "those" relationships at some point in our lives. Whether it was with a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife... we all fell completely head over heels for them instantaneously. Let's say, such as in my life, it was a boyfriend. He was cute. He was fun. He was intelligent. He said and did all the right things. But, your friends told you that he was trouble. His parent even told you to think twice. But you just didn't listen, did you! You like him too much. You had already gone too far in your emotions to turn back. You had exchanged "I love you's". You clicked from the very beginning. You made a great team. But one day, out of the blue, something just seemed different. Soon, he became distant. He avoided you. He didn't want to discuss his feelings and seemed quite comfortable keeping you at a distance but keeping you hanging on at the same time. You wondered what happened to your love and you felt lost. Well, I actually was in one of those relationships until a month ago. Once our relationship began to fizzle, there was nothing I could do to stop it. Okay, so maybe our breakup didn't make me lose sleep, but it was still dang frustrating! Love is a huge emotion that can radically and completely dictate someone's life. If it were possible to perform a few magical steps in order to make someone fall in love with you, we would live in a world of nothing but broken hearts. Then again, don't we already? There is no formula for generating the authentic warmth of love. It is a recipe that cannot be copied. Everyone has the capacity to love. So where do I stand now... remember when I said we focus all our energy on NOT LOSING HIM? Well, step on the brakes and refuse to lose any more. It isn't weak because we decide to give up, most often "giving up" is the absolutely best thing we can do. The best thing for ourselves - our self respect, our self esteem, confidence and power... and the best thing for a potential relationship. So don't wait for your guy to grow up, I'm not. I found the absolute best thing I can do for myself is to take him at his word. Friends it is, buddy! Wave goodbye, and get yourself back out on the market. Now that is scary... Pond or Puddle? Keep reading friends... love you!

So... I'm not a fashionista when it comes to picking jeans

I love shopping, however, sometimes I tend to buy what is on sale and not what I actually need. Thinking back, perhaps my "newest" pair of jeans were marked down for a reason. It's funny how we only see what we want... I could stand in front of the mirror for hours and I thought I looked great; the jeans were flattering, new and made me feel adventureous. It took me 5 years to realize how deceptive the jeans & the mirror was. They showed me only what "I" wanted to see. We have all had moments when we knew it was over, but didn't know quite what to do about it. It is very stressful, and we tend to ask our family and friends for relationship advice. Sometimes it can be really hard to know when it's time to let go. People can tell you all they want - that you need to get out and move on. Some see everything as black and white, a simple solution. Things would be so much less complicating if we could turn our emotions "on" and "off" that easily. I, personally, have never been able to do that with anything much less relationships. I analyse everything, over-think. Although I still would say I am guilty of over-thinking on a regular basis, life has taught me many lessons. It took me years to realize that even though my family and friends can advise me until they're blue in the face, I must make my own decisions and decide what path is best for me. So back to the jeans, they had to go! I keep thinking... maybe I need to revamp my wardrobe... no more jeans for my future... maybe find a different style?

About the pants...

So far in my life, I have owned two pairs of pants (jeans actually) metaphorically speaking. One pair I wore for 20 years. They were worn, had holes in them and frayed around the hem. Because they were old, you would think they would be comfortable, soothing and reliable. There were times when I loved wearing them, but then times when no matter how much I wore them, how much I tried to make them work... they just didn't fit right. They pinched in all the wrong places, were uncomfortable and proved they weren't reliable as they continued to fall apart. Plus, after a while, the holes in them was drafty, I was tired of trying to hold the frayed pieces together... so I gave up. I guess it was a bit humiliating too when a new pair of jeans came around and starting getting all the attention. The hardest thing I have ever done in my lifetime was file for divorce. I realized, finally, that no matter how you put the jeans on... they dang well just weren't gonna fit right. So, off with the old pants (my marriage) ... and on with the new? Which new ones huh.... his or mine. Wow, that's quite a story in itself. As for his new pair of jeans he acquired... I personally would love to have made them into a purse. At least I would have gotten some use out of that situation.

My Introduction

My name is Karen and I am one of the many intelligent women who are living life divorced. When you pick up a magazine or watch tv you find stories or movies about love, marriage, control, abuse, divorce, dating (so many online dating commercials) and children. And what about the titles you see such as Why men love and then leave, The top ten mistakes women make in a relationship, Why you can't keep a man... the list goes on and on.

I often find humor in these topics that really don't have anything to do with relationships, it's just different peoples observations, people that aren't a part of our relationship and don't have a clue. My daughter has a blog and said I should start one. She felt it would be fun and also a good way to release the tension that everyday life brings. So here I am writing simply about my observations and contemplations on this journey of life.

By the way, you are probably wondering about the blog title. My best friend told me once "you can't put on a new pair of pants until you take off the old ones". Stay tuned and you will understand the meaning of her statement.